Not to Worry

I’ve done most things in my life with worries. 

A few days before leaving for Seoul (my first destination), I found myself awake in the middle of the night—per usual, thinking that I haven’t done enough research about Korea and feeling ill-prepared for my trip. I thought, “I have ideas for some places I want to visit and things I want to do, but I haven’t pinned most of them down in my calendar yet.” I felt the urge to jump out of bed, open my laptop, and nail down my plans in my master spreadsheet for Watson planning. 

“Well, this year isn’t about that.” My partner, (often) the wiser one of us two, said to me matter-of-factly. 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“The ways you dealt with problems before aren’t gonna work this year, you know.” 

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew he had a point. 

He continued, “This year is about you changing. You’re supposed to enter uncharted territories. If you’re able to prepare fully for it, then it won’t be uncharted territory anymore. I mean, you can prepare for as much as you want, but there will always be new things happening as you plan for something else and you’ll likely run out of time to prepare for things, so empirically it just won’t work. The point is to embrace things as they come along. Trust your abilities to deal with them.” 

I’ve prided myself for being detail-oriented and thorough in research, communication, and planning. I’m used to hunkering down for hours, days, and weeks to figure things out (or going down rabbit holes). I always needed to feel some sort of discomfort or struggle or challenge as confirmation to myself that I was doing things right. No pain, no gain, right? Certainly, my way of doing things has served me well in many situations over the years, but now I was somehow also comforted by the idea that I don’t always have to be on “top” of everything to learn and grow. It’s time to take a risk, to worry less and trust more. 

So here’s my commitment: I will do my Fellowship without letting myself be consumed by worries such as "Am I doing it right?", "Am I doing enough?", "Am I getting interesting findings to share?". And I will keep this blog without letting myself be overwhelmed by worries such as "Did I pick the right words?", "Do I sound thoughtful?", "Am I saying cliché?" Will people understand that I am using the terms 'plant-based' and 'vegan' interchangeably?" Is this post too long or boring?".

I know these worries will be there. They’re here right now as I type these words. They’re real, but they’re also just my projections of this year’s unpredictable experiences.

I will embrace them. 

Plus, what’s there to worry about with clichés? They’re true anyways. At least most of them. 😉